I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
