apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize