my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
