If i could tip my vagina, i would.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
