A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
