peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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