Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
