I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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