you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
