Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
