is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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