He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
