The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
