It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
