I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
