she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
