I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
