i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The Olympian is in my bed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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