The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
