no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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