First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
