the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
