There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
