you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
