I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
