she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
