maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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