omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
