Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
