Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
