I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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