3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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