I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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