The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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