I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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