the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
