If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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