i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
