so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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