Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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