Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
