I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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