it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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