I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
