i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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