the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
