why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
