just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
