his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
two words...techno handjob
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
