I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
