If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Alive.
So much puke
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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