people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
