we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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