By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
