I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
