I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Operation Purity has been aborted
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
40s are totally the cure
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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