Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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