New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
