This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
