Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
