someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
