Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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