Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
