Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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