Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
