So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
