just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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