he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
